pain travels from one to another

i’m sorry - i’m too afraid to open up
either sufferings die inside me
or turn me into an unfathomable disaster

*exhaling intensely with a racing heart*

hush!
and hear me out
i felt nothing in october.
so i prescribed myself some sedatives and three hangovers.
i’ve got this fear
i might abuse substances
‘til someone labels it as a disorder

the intoxicated blood carries the packets of euphoria
and the bag of bones animates
when the packets burst inside the brain

i feel - life is a boring consciousness when it’s sober.

i should’ve opened up and just been vulnerable
like an open wound infested by flies and maggots

i hid a victim inside me ages ago
you might see it donning a charming cloak
and smiling every now and then

pain travels from one to another
and i was too afraid to hand it over

because when pain is restrained for ever-so long
it reaches the brim and overflows

i’d have rather said, “don’t make another barrier – just let it flow.”
because pain flows from one to another
damaging the earth and structures.
and it’d have coalesced two disasters together

***

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