“It’s been 4 years, dude. 4 FUCKING YEARS! You need a break for sure.”
Having been hardwired to stay quiet during stressful situations, I remained quiet. However, to be honest, I hadn’t been feeling anything lately. Human biology said that males had large tear duct glands, but it failed to mention that constantly living with traumas over the years made them completely ineffective.
She looked at me, probably thinking how the fuck I was still wasting my time chasing something that killed me every damn second. Then, she looked around and felt disgusted by the mess in the room.
“Bro! I can’t see you like this anymore. Aisi zindagi jeene ka kya matlab? Tu hi bata koi fayda hai iska? Tu andar se itna tut chuka ki ab...” She stopped as she sensed me unaffected.
I knew that my numbness concerned her, but how I could tell how close I was to losing my sanity.
As she got off the chair to leave, I said, “Tell me how I can stop when everyone’s waiting for me to fall.”
Struggling to keep myself composed, I stood up and looked out of the window in my living room. I always hated the fact that I was surrounded by a concrete jungle.
“I can’t show my vulnerabilities, especially now. Just to prove their point, they expect me to fail. Haan! Tune sahi hai ki me itna tut chuka hu ki shayad ab pehle jaisa na rahu, par ab pehle jaisa rehne me koi maja bhi nahi aata.”
I shot her.
Why did I kill her? I didn’t know. Did she need to be dead? Certainly.
She looked at me, probably thinking how the fuck I was still wasting my time chasing something that killed me every damn second. Then, she looked around and felt disgusted by the mess in the room.
“Bro! I can’t see you like this anymore. Aisi zindagi jeene ka kya matlab? Tu hi bata koi fayda hai iska? Tu andar se itna tut chuka ki ab...” She stopped as she sensed me unaffected.
I knew that my numbness concerned her, but how I could tell how close I was to losing my sanity.
As she got off the chair to leave, I said, “Tell me how I can stop when everyone’s waiting for me to fall.”
Struggling to keep myself composed, I stood up and looked out of the window in my living room. I always hated the fact that I was surrounded by a concrete jungle.
“I can’t show my vulnerabilities, especially now. Just to prove their point, they expect me to fail. Haan! Tune sahi hai ki me itna tut chuka hu ki shayad ab pehle jaisa na rahu, par ab pehle jaisa rehne me koi maja bhi nahi aata.”
I shot her.
Why did I kill her? I didn’t know. Did she need to be dead? Certainly.
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