miss you

fuck!
i miss you.
no!
i don’t want you back.
but i really miss you.
i wish
i could reread those deleted midnight chats
to live with you again
even if
it exists until the next tick of the second hand.

i hope -
someday, after getting drunk,
when the party’s over
and you’re all alone,
you call me.
pouring your heart out,
you moan -
i still love you.

a beautiful summer day and some warm sun rays

let me begin with some bittersweet moments
we shared together,
because some are interested in our history.

i hadn’t been in a relationship before.
i was ‘i’ all along,
thus ‘we’ was something new to me.

you made me plunge into
the beauty of the moon
and taught me how to see constellations.
listening to love songs for hours and hours,
we sat under trees and watched stars twinkling.

you hated goodbyes.
young and mindless, we were full of lives,
we spent summers being crazy and restless.

every night, on calls,
your voice would arouse me.

the absence of logic; the influx of emotions

i’d feel a sudden rush of aliveness within me
whenever you were with me.

eventually, logic prevailed over emotion,
and we drifted apart
like a trident parting an ocean.
the love songs were never played again,
and later the aliveness died.
i buried “us” underground,
so i couldn’t remember “us” ever again,
but when i was down,
the old habit of mine made me dig,
and i dug deeper - a vertical den.

alone, i screamed in an empty room.
though, i couldn’t hear anything.
in despair, i painted the walls with your thoughts.
removed the paint. repainted it again.
destroyed the wall. rebuilt it again.
repainted it one more time.

in the same empty room,
i’m sitting by myself,
looking at the walls numbly
and thinking about some “what-ifs.”

a quiet winter night, a whiskey glass, and a cigarette

i miss you today.
i never missed you yesterday.
and
i know - i won’t miss you tomorrow.
only a bad moment made me think of you.
soon, this moment will be gone,
and your memories will fade away.

i wish you could stay a little longer
until this empty bed feels a little warmer.

perhaps you’ll come again as a memory
soon after an unbearable pain and misery.

***

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